Funny Puns About 420 Getting High

100 Hilarious Weed Jokes

Light up a joint, sit back, and relax while we provide you with the 100 funniest weed jokes around. This is the ultimate list, as we have collected the best of the best cannabis jokes. We even included a few YouTube videos of comedians telling their best weed jokes – find your favorite and share it with your friends.

1. What do you call a place where marijuana is legal but alcohol isn't? High and dry.

2. This is just going to be filled with bad puns…. Weed better stop while we're ahead.

3. What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.

4. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? The cop.

5. How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb? Nah, man, they got lighters.

6. My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana… I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.

7. How do fish get stoned? From seaweed.

8. The dispensaries in California have teams devoted to rolling up marijuana. It's a joint effort.

9. What happens when you eat marijuana? You get a pot belly.

10. My brother and I sell marijuana. We keep our money in a joint account.

11. Why did the stoner plant Cheerios in the ground? He thought they were bagel seeds.

12. Why did the cows return to the cannabis field? The pot was calling the cattle back!

13. Why is a roach clip called a 'roach clip'? Because 'pot-holder' was already taken.

14. How do you hide weed from a hippie? Put it in his work boots.

15. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.

16. What do you call a stoner with two spliffs? Double-jointed

17. My cows just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high.

18. If smoking marijuana causes short term memory loss… Then what does smoking marijuana do?

19. What do stoners do when they get lost? Turn down the music so they can see better.

20. What is reality? An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.

21. My pets ate all of my marijuana. Damn pot-bellied pigs.

22. How do you know do you know someone's a true pothead? When they clean their bong more often than the dishes!

23. In college I experimented with marijuana. I did it in snow and I did it in sleet… But I did not in hail

24. The officer was blunt about what happens to stoners… He takes them to the joint.

25. What do you call it when the blunt burns your shirt? A pothole.

26. What do you call an alien who smokes weed? A cannabinoid.

27. I was watching a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

28. "Waiter, this bread tastes like marijuana." "Well, it was baked this morning"

29. Why did the mom smoke a fatty before she went to the PTA meeting? Because she knew it would help her be less blunt.

30. A cop asks man, "How high are you?" The man responds with, "No, officer. It's 'Hi, how are you.'"

31. What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? Mr. President.

32. How do you know when you are stoned? When you are too phoned to stone home.

33. How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb? Nevermind, we've got lighters.

34. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? The drunk runs it, but the stoner waits for it to turn green.

35. How do you know you're a pothead? You studied five days for a urine test.

36. If laughter is the best medicine and marijuana makes you laugh… Is marijuana the best medicine??

37. Why was the dad mad when he and his wife divorced? She got joint custody.

38. Marijuana and coffee are my favorite combination. They're the reason ice mocha lot of weed.

39. What's better than a grumpy sister? A doobie brother.

40. What do the French use as slang for marijuana? "Oui-d"

41. What'd one marijuana plant say to the other marijuana plant? Let's be best buds.

42. Why did the stoner cross the street? The dispensary was on the other side!

43. I don't always do math… But when I do, I'm usually buying weed.

44. What's the difference between legal and illegal marijuana? One comes from the farm, and the other from the pharm.

45. How does a mom stay slim during a bad case of the munchies? She counts carbs.

46. Our marijuana dispensary has a recorded message… "If you want to buy marijuana press the hash key now."

47. Can you believe marijuana is still illegal in Jamaica? Bob Marley must be rolling in his grave.

48. The FDA No longer allows patients to be prescribed laxatives and medicinal marijuana. Apparently you need to either shit, or get off the pot.

49. How do parents stay focused when the kids are out of control? Concentrates.

50. A message from Canada, to all Americans who are jealous about the recent marijuana legalization: Sorry.

51. What do you call a team of cops who raid a marijuana grow-house? A Joint Task Force.

52. Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store… I'll call it Glazed and Confused.

53. What do you call gift-wrapped marijuana? Pretty dope.

54. The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana." It's hard on your joints.

55. Did you hear about the stoners who robbed the bank? They cased the joint first.

56. What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? Drug Abuse.

57. What is the difference between politicians and stoners? Politicians don't inhale… they just suck.

58. What do you call fake marijuana? Crockpot.

59. What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana? He Shanghai.

60. Obi-Wan Kenobi started a marijuana dispensary on Tatooine. What's it called? The High Ground.

61. I helped my wife design her marijuana costume for the fancy dress party. It was a joint effort.

62. Bernie said he's going to legalize marijuana on his first day in the Whitehouse… On his second day he'll legalize it everywhere else.

63. I told my doctor I was having problems with my joints. He told me to roll them tighter.

64. What does a stoner do when he sees a space man? He parks in it, man.

65. Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man!

66. How is weed legal in different states? I thought we were United!

67. What do you call a person who remembers everything about Woodstock? A liar.

68. What do you call a high lizard? A mariguana

69. What do you get when you mix weed and laxatives? Shits and giggles.

70. Since college. I'm not smoking anymore. But I ain't smokin' any less either!

71. What do you call a computer that smokes weed? High tech!

72. Instead of marijuana dispensaries why don't they just call it.. Grass stations.

The Bible is not against marijuana It says," if a man lays with another man, he must be stoned".

73. Man, I shouldn't have borrowed these shoes from my drug dealer… I don't know what he laced 'em with, but I've been tripping all day.

74. My friend gave his horse marijuana thinking it would make him run faster. I asked him to get off his high horse immediately.

75. If the marijuana dispensary gets flooded… …is that considered high water?

76. I saw a road full of people who smoke marijuana… It was a highway.

77. I did an exam on marijuana and ballistic weaponry. Scored high on the first part, but bombed the second.

78. Stoner? I hardly know her!

79. A hippie is walking along wearing one shoe. Another hippy sees him and calls out, 'Hey man, you lose a shoe?' "Nope, I found one."

80. Why did Mike Tyson plant marijuana instead of corn? He was afraid he'd eat all of the ears.

81. What do you call cannabis plants that grow in 1 day? Insta-pot.

82. The Quoran is like cannabis. If you burn it, you get stoned.

83. What do you call it when a Cambodian dictator opens up a restaurant in his Cannabis plantation? Pol Pot's Pot Plot Hot Pot.

84. I was carefully measuring out a dab of wax for my roommate, when she said: "Did you remember to – Oh, nevermind; you're concentrating."

85. Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds… They've left no tern unstoned…

86. Weed is not a drug, it's a plant. Therefore, I am not a drug dealer. I'm a florist!

87. I'm thinking of leaving the rat race and becoming a cannabis farmer. It's a kushy job.

88. The more I light my lighter… The lighter my lighter gets before it's too light to light.

89. What's your favorite thing to do while sober? Get high!

90. Chicken Pot Pie. My three favorite things.

91. Medical marijuana isn't a new concept. We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

92. That bee keeps visiting that cannabis plant. He must be buzzed.

93. Here, have a brownie. I got the recipe from some guy in Colorado.

94. What do you call a stoners wife? Mississippi.

95. What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? Han So-high.

96. New marijuana research reveals that it cures… Symptoms of motivation by up to 95%.

97. I used to smoke weed. I still do, but I used to, too.

98. Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the weed… The judges have started issuing joint custody.

99. Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? Because they're all in HIGH school.

100. What do you call money that grows on trees? Marijuana.

If you made it through all 100 jokes, you must be dying laughing. Well, it's time to roll up another one and test out your new jokes on your friends. If you are in the mood for more laughs, check out our list of the 100 funniest weed memes.

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Source: https://maryschronicles.com/100-hilarious-weed-jokes/

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